I can't believe how hard this week was... Emergency exchanges turned to an emergency transfer. It took me by complete surprise to hear from president that the exchange was going to stay... I tried to not be sad but he asked how I was, I said "I'm good..." He asked again... and I couldn't hold the tears back. I just started to sob. I was so overwhelmed. I just want to do what the Lord want's me to do but I didn't even know what that was at the moment! The sister who openly and vocally declares her hate for me is now staying in my area (I feel like some people try to be hard to love, I swear she is trying to make this difficult haha) and I didn't get to say goodbye to anyone! Ripped my heart out a bit... and my new area, is completely dead... well its coming back to life but I kind of just vented to him.... y'all get the point, I was standing on my soap box... then I bit my tongue, I was only focusing on myself in that moment... but President let me vent and then he reminded me of how badly I just want to do what the Lord wants me to do. He encouraged me saying that this new area and my new companion need me and I can help. I can make a difference here. He also said something pretty cool, "sometimes inspiration is what will get the job done." Anyway, Its taken me a few days to believe his words but I'm starting to believe them.
My new companion is an absolute sweetheart but she struggles with talking... which has been interesting... we've been role playing a lot and she has the strongest testimony. In just a few days she has gotten so much better at saying hi to people. Its been hard for me to just sit there and let the conversation get awkward but its worth it because its giving her the opportunity to speak.
To top our week off with craziness we found a new investigator, or we thought we did, when we came back for our next appointment to her chewing us out for not believing in Christ. It was the cherry on top to a horrid few days. We testified but really lady? Excuse me? You are bashing us and saying we don't believe in Christ? Do you not see our badges? What about that picture of Christ that you are holding on the pamphlet we gave you? Some people flat out just do not want to listen. I don't get it... I feel like some people choose to be angry, just because they can...
So ready for some positivity? Because negativity brings me down. Haha :) I read the talk, "Of Regrets and Resolutions" by Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I loved it because it helped me realize that I can choose to dwell on the negative or I can choose to be positive and see the good in every situation. "We do matter. We determine our happiness. You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness." He also goes on to say, "We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available - all the time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. "This is the day which the Lord hath made...," the Psalmist wrote. "Rejoice and be glad in it."
So all in all, it hit me that I can choose to be like "whoa is me," and focus on my selfishness, or instead I can be positive and see the many blessings and trust that this the Lord's will and I'm willing to do it! :) I'm in a new zone, with a new kind and sweet companion, Sister Patterson, I get to serve in a new area, new ward, the members are awesome, I'm still an STL(by myself with has been interesting and different but fun at the same time), and this is giving me an even greater opportunity to sprint to the end and forget about MYSELF! :) When I made the choice to just move on and be positive, the week instantly got better. We have been talking to everyone we can! Which I believe has helped Sister Patterson realize that she can do this. Its one of the coolest things to see when she knows she did well, she starts to break out of her cement shell haha :) Plus we got a new investigator (who lives in our area and didn't chew us out) and sent out a bunch of referrals. Ya know what is funny? As we've talked to everyone we can, only 1 this week has been in our area. Haha We've sent out a handful of referrals and then one of the new investigators we thought we had, we found out the next day (when we looked at the map) that he literally lived on the wrong side of the street! He'd be in our area if he were only on the other side! Haha! Oh my gosh, like really? But hey, we've been helping all the other missionaries with finding and everything is getting so much better.
To close this up, I'm grateful for how Heavenly Father oversees all and I am actually very grateful to finish out my mission this way. Yeah its crazy and totally unexpected but I did say I want to do the Lord's will and I'm grateful He trusts me to do it, no matter what is asked He can know I will do it, I may kick a little at first but I will do it. :) I know He is watching over us and He has sent tender mercies everyday to remind me of that. I am Happy because I know I am His.
Its a beautiful life :)
Quote of the day, "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."
PS: Funny moment
A little girl sat next to me and said, "I don't know my neighbors." Me, "... why?" Little girl, "because my parents say they're kidnappers."
So random, yet so funny! (Maybe you had to be there ;))